


free//joshler

by theivoryand



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suicide, please stay safe guys, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 03:38:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10676922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theivoryand/pseuds/theivoryand
Summary: all tyler wants is to be clean, like josh.he wants to be free.





	free//joshler

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys!!! welcome to my first fic, please enjoy. but, please, DO NOT read if you are triggered by eating disorders, purging, referenced self-harm, or suicide. stay safe frens.
> 
> xo  
> ash

tears fell onto tyler's black tank top as he ran to the bathroom, stomach already queasy.

_fatfatfatfatfafatfat_

he had eaten two pieces of pizza at josh's.

two pieces of pizza=475 calories

plus the 100 calorie granola bar he had.

and the 80 calories of orange juice.

it was too much.

it was unhealthy.

_unhealthlyunthealthyunhealthy_

tyler's fingers shake as he sticks them down his throat, clutching the cool sides of the toilet as he rids his body of the toxins known as food.

he was ugly. unpure. fat. he didn't get how josh could love him.

josh was skinny.

he wanted to be just like josh.

he wanted to make his boyfriend proud.

and what would make him prouder than seeing tyler, the love of his life, as skinny as he was, clean, pure? 

tyler knew nothing could top that.

so he continued throwing up, until he was just dry reaching. 

until he was at least a little cleaner.

he promised to himself he would lose 20 pounds as soon as possible. 

for josh.

all for josh.

 

-

 

the next day, tyler ate nothing.

or the day after that.

or the day after that.

eventually josh forced him to eat a chocolate bar. 

the neon-haired lover noticed how skinny tyler was, how his bones jutted through his skin.

whenever he said something about it, his boyfriend would starting crying and saying he was fat, one million timer fatter then josh. 

josh hated when he did that.

when tyler told josh he needed to go to the bathroom that day, he didn't think josh knew what he was planning to do (throw up the chocolate bar).

he didn't predict josh following him to the bathroom (cautious, a few steps behind). 

he didn't expect josh to wait outside (where he could hear every sound tyler made).

he didn't ever, in a million years, imagine josh breaking in once he started crying and scratching at his wrists.

but josh did. 

and tyler felt terrible.

 

-

 

tyler remembers josh telling him to calm down. 

telling him it was okay. 

telling him he will always be beautiful. 

he remembers nodding, agreeing to come over the next day. 

but the brunette was numb the whole time, feeling nothing, thinking nothing.

until josh delivered him at his house and tyler automatically felt relief. 

he waved at josh and entered the house, trying to seem normal, until the door closed and he sprinted towards the bathroom. 

tyler emptied himself into the toilet, sticking fingers down his throat as tears rolled down his face,

tears of joy. 

he could finally be free.

he just needed to throw up enough. 

and he did. for a long time. too long. 

as he finally tasted the metallic blood in his mouth, tyler fumbled for his phone and he grabbed a nearby bottle of bleach. bleach should do the drink. bleach should clean his soul. 

he didn't call josh until his wrists were covered in red lines, all deep and thick and fresh.

his boyfriend picked up on the first ring. "tyler?" 

"josh," tyler croaked, vision clouded from blood loss. "thank you." 

"for... for what?" josh was confused, couldn't he see? tyler was finally skinny, finally pure, finally clean, finally free. 

"for setting me free." he uncapped the bottle of bleach and put it to his lips.

"tyler... what? tyler, no!" 

"i'm sorry, josh," tyler whispered. "this is the only way. i love you." 

"tyler, no! tyler please, why-" suddenly an empty bottle of bleach clattered to the floor.

tyler was empty inside, smiling for the first time in years as his insides burned. 

he couldn't hear josh screaming, see his phone going off with hundreds of messages, see his boyfriend's expression as he burst through the door with the paramedics at his side.

he didn't know how josh committed suicide a day later.

all he knew was that he was finally free.


End file.
